If we’ve said “yes” to people to “smooth things over” or so they’ll do what we want—when we really wanted to say “no,” we are not standing up for ourself. If so, there’s an “us” that’s sitting down, wanting to rise up and free ourself from our fear of rejection and obligation to do things that we do not want to do. In today’s article, we’ll explore new ways to unabashedly, yet kindly stand up for who we are and what we want, so we can REALLY, TRULY LIVE.
QUIZ: Are we sitting or standing up for ourself?
Sometimes, we might not be sure. To clear up any confusion on how we see ourselves, try it physically. Sit down. Now stand up. There is a very short period between the two. We’re either sitting or standing. Sometimes in-between, but not both. To know whether we’re sitting down or standing up for ourselves, take the quiz and answer yes or no to the following three questions.
1) Have I made any promises to myself and/or others?
2) Do I remember the promises/agreements I’ve made?
3) Do I hold MYSELF accountable for keeping all promises and communicating honestly, in advance, if I cannot keep my promise? (This means not expecting others to remind/stand up for us.)
If we answered “no” to any of the above questions, we are not standing up for who we are. We are actors, playing a part in the hopes of getting the result we want. This is a short-lived shortcut. Even if we temporarily get what we want, we still won’t be happy because we are not our true self, and we know it—deep down. And other people can sense this. They feel that something about us is “off,” even if they can’t “put their finger on what.” They may look at us in dismay, uncertainty, mistrust, doubt or fear, and just can’t seem to “let go and get comfortable” in our presence. They sense that we say things that we “don’t really mean.” They may also instinctually recognize that if we can’t stand up for ourself, we can’t stand up for them—so they feel uneasy getting close, making agreements, commitments and partnerships. This applies in both business and personal relations.
If we answered yes to the previous questions, we are standing up for who we are. Making these choices might have stung at first, but provide us with long-term gains like: confidence, trust, respect and admiration from ourself and others, and abundance of all sorts (including happiness)—in both business and personal relationships.
Whose life is it anyway?
It’s ours, not somebody else’s. It’s not our job to do things out of obligation to others, or to “make” people happy. Other people owe it to themselves to make their own, happy choices. We can choose to be responsible to enjoy those people, encourage them and love them, because that’s what we can GIVE. However, it is their right and responsibility to choose to be happy (or not) about what we offer. It is not up to us to spend our whole life “trying” to make someone else happy. It is also not our responsibility to fix them, pity them, baby and enable them to feed addictions, weakness and fears, so they don’t grow up spiritually.
A little story
My 80-year-old fried was lonely, and told me that although she had old fears about dogs, she wanted to befriend one who came ‘round her house each morning. One day when I was there painting her living room to brighten things up, she was washing dishes and saw the dog from her window. She cooed excitedly, went to the fridge, plopped some leftovers onto an aluminum pie-pan and scurried to the side door. “Here, puppy, puppy, puppy!” she chirped, while also showing her fear by holding the plate as far away from her as possible and backing up towards the kitchen. The dog looked starving, with patches of lost hair and more than scruffy. It licked its chops and would take steps forward … then she would step back. The two of them went through this dance for about 30 seconds. Eventually, the hungry dog left.
Gotta quit “the sit” to stand
There is no middle way, half-hearted way or sort of way to stay sitting in our “old us” and also stand up for “true us”. It is or it isn’t. Either we are or we aren’t. If we want to befriend a dog, we’ve got to learn how to quit being afraid. If we want to quit an addiction (to sitting, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll or whatever), we can’t pick it up on weekends, when we’re overwhelmed or when it may seem convenient, when we’re “stressed”, or “had a bad day”. Fear and addictions stand because we keep them healthy by feeding them. We feed them with habitual behavior, with fear that we can’t live without them and with doubt in our ability to stand up for what’s best for us and quit them for good.
Afraid to stand?
We may feel uncertain whether we can stand. We may feel guilty, punish ourselves or feel unworthy to stand up and receive our best life. We’ve all made mistakes, and felt or feel sorrow for the past. But if we keep the guilt and regret, we’re living in the past and can’t stand. If this rings true to you, it may be time to forgive yourself, and/or Life/God for how things turned out. For more free information on forgiveness, click here http://www.willyou.guru/category/forgiveness/
Ready to stand?
Today’s To-Do’s for a meaningful life-stance
If we’re ready, here are three motivational steps to help us stand up:
1) Ask yourself, “What do I TRULY, DEEPLY, MADLY WANT?” To befriend a dog? Write down whatever comes up. You’ll know you’ve really got a good one when you can imagine yourself on your deathbed, having achieved it, and be happily satisfied your life. (If you’d like help discovering what you want, here’s more free info: http://www.willyou.guru/category/what-we-want/)
2) Read your list to someone you love. If you think you can’t or choose not to, you are not standing up for your lifetime chance to achieve a life you’ll love. You’re hiding your light. You’re living in fear. Stand up now and speak your truth. Things will change. They must. Because what you’ve been doing—ignoring, denying it and keeping it in, is holding you back from trusting in and relying on yourself to follow through, trusting others to treasure your truth and relying on Life and other people to be supportive of you as you begin to live the life of your dreams.
3) Ask yourself, “What one, small step CAN I take today towards standing for this?”
Will you stand up for you? Share your thoughts and feelings so we may grow in strength and willpower together …
Always with love,
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