So many gifts for us—like rays of sunshine!
We’re given a lot in this life. Right off the bat we get a body, a cute little one that generally works like a charm. We get air to breathe, a planet that consistently supplies food, shelter and beauty, a sun to warm, weather to nourish, and gravity to keep our skirts down. We’re given families and people to love, hearts with which to feel and brains with which to think. We’re given so much, in fact, that it would be impossible to count it all in one day or even a lifetime!
And yet, for as much as we are given, most of us feel an ache somewhere within us for something we do not have. Funny, isn’t it? Even with the gazillion things for which we can be thankful, it is our pain that can consume us, casting a grey cloud over all the gifts we’ve been given.
If we don’t address the pain, it becomes blame and anger.
What do we do with this painful ache? Well, we can try to ignore it, stuff it, deny it or drug it, but it is still there waiting for us like a snoozing pit bull. Holding onto the pain in this way allows us to blame someone else for our pain and problems, but the pain and problems stay with us—even when the person or situation is long gone. And being stuck with the pain could make anyone angry!
Pain can be an impermanent wake-up call.
Pain does not have to be permanent. We can convert the pain into peace, which allows us to see the sun, sky, birds and the many other gifts in this world. So how can we address our pain in a healthy way and feel better—without using a substance that numbs or fogs us out of life and hope for a better future?
First, we can choose to accept that whatever we are experiencing is simply part of life. It’s all been given to us and/or chosen by us. This is a big world with lots of experiences. What I experience is no worse or better than anyone else, it’s just different. Everyone experiences their own special flavor of pain (mine tastes like chocolate laced with killjoy).
The question is, are we willing to accept this person or circumstance that creates pain in our heart/mind? If yes, great, if not, here is a baby step towards acceptance to consider. Ask, “Am I willing to be open to the idea of accepting this pain or person as part of what life is right now?” If not, what would it take to become willing?
BONUS: Acceptance brings peace because once we accept a person or situation, we aren’t angry anymore. This may seem obvious, but when we stop being a victim to someone or some situation, and accept that “it is what it is,” we have nothing to be angry about. Kind of laughable when we think about how much time and energy we can waste holding on to anger. It keeps us stuck, in pain and causing pain to others.
So you say that your spouse is a jackass. You can drag that around like a sad story for the rest of your life, be angry, take it out on yourself, your family and co-workers. Or, you can accept it—that she is who she is. Then, you can forgive yourself for blaming her for being herself.
Freedom, Lightness and Hope.
Once we accept and forgive, we are freed from blame and anger. We might cry a little and breathe a sigh of relief. We might feel a weight has been lifted from our heart, mind or shoulders. And with this lightness, we will see a new light at the end of our “tunnel.” We might feel capable of trying new things. And feel hope that tomorrow can be better and different.
No matter what, once we aren’t wearing our “angry glasses,” it will be easier to see the beauty of the sunset, the smile on the children, the joy in the pet, the smell of the flowers and the subtle succulence of the lake or ocean, and feel the happiness in the beings and nature around us. Once the cloud of anger and unforgiveness is released from over our heads, the gazillion things to be thankful for “reappear.”
My gift to you.
I now hand you the gift of encouragement! You can release any anger and unforgiveness that you may carry. There are lots of methods for release—find the one that feels right for you and give it a try. I’ve given you a couple steps (above) and maybe a few things to think about. The internet is also a marvelous tool. Your spiritual friends, clergy or healers also offer methods to heal. Whomever or whatever method you may choose, you really can’t fail for trying. You’ll learn something along the way, even if you just learn that part of you is unwilling to release the anger and unforgiveness! This discovery can be quite helpful. It allows you to get to know that part of you that’s unwilling, and find out what it would take for it to become so. This is nothing to get frustrated about—simply ask and you shall receive (answers). It may not be that instant, but the answers come, they always do. Stay curious. Keep asking yourself questions and getting to know how to enjoy life and its gifts more!
I find it extremely helpful to have a short and sweet routine of gifting each night before I go to bed. After I’ve softly sunken into my super-soft bedding and taken a great big breath, I give heartfelt thanks for as many of life’s gifts that I can. I also give thanks for my ability to give gifts to life, nature, and people in return. This simple act is a gift in itself—it is a gift of gratitude to Life, a gift to myself for choosing to experience Life and a gift for my peaceful sleep and productive tomorrow. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving! Maybe this would help you too? It’s hard to be thankful and angry at the same time.
The gift of your feedback.
If you feel led to share any thoughts, concerns, hopes, fears and ideas about releasing anger and pain, it would be a great gift to me. I care about what matters to you and am grateful for any feedback! Whether you are currently angry as a mad bull, considering whether you are angry, angry and ready to let it go (or not), or have released your anger, please share the gift of your feedback, and know that you are supported and encouraged in this process!