We’ve all heard someone say positive words while internally sensing that the person is thinking and/or feeling the opposite. This disconnect between internal thoughts and feelings and external words and actions leads to mixed messages and mistrust from listeners. When we’re afraid of what we think or feel, we may cover it up with positive or false words. In today’s article, we’ll address the fear and take a look at ways we can become wholeheartedly positive and not false positive.
QUIZ: How positive are we?
Answer yes or no to the following three questions.
1) Do I doubt the positive words that I’m saying?
2) When I say positive things, do I feel like I’m “faking it ‘til I make it?”
3) Am I “trying” to be positive?
If we answered “yes” to any of the above questions, we’re sending “false” positive messages.
Fear and false positives
Chances are high that some part of us is afraid to speak our whole truth if we’re saying positive things that we don’t fully mean. Whether we’re afraid that people won’t like us or that we’ll lose something important, we’re still fronting a falsey out of fear.
False positives can be a small step toward being less afraid and more kind
To be positive (hehe), false-positives can be better than negatives. For example, if we know someone who’s been negative, cruel and hateful in the past and they now choose to (earnestly) say kind words (not intended to manipulate), it’s better that they say the kind words they now know, even if they may still be harboring an inner Grinch that’s yet to be healed.
A little story
Once upon a time there was a woman who touted the importance of a healthy lifestyle: taking food and drink in moderation that nourished the body-mind, exercising to make the body fit, relaxing from work, taking breaks from technology and recycling waste. Though she shared many fine words and convincing arguments about this healthy lifestyle, she did not walk this talk. Her talking about it was a step in the direction toward health of self and world, but she was not widely believed or trusted.
Believability and Trust
Believability and trust are built on genuine positivity. To be genuine is to be honestly congruent (matching) our thoughts, feelings, words and actions. False positives are not genuine and do not build trust. Examples of why false positives do not build trust are: a wagging tail on a growling dog and parents who tell their children not to smoke while they puff away at the magic dragon. It’s no wonder that the dog doesn’t get pet and the kids don’t trust or obey their parents.
How to quit the false positives
If we want to be truly positive, we’ve got to learn how to quit being afraid of our thoughts, feelings and what will be the result of our full expression.
Are we afraid to be truly positive?
We may feel uncertain whether we can survive and be truly, whole-heartedly positive. As a coach of willpower and empowerment, I know clients who’ve wondered if they would lose their friends, job and family members if they only spoke the truly positive, even if it’s positively constructive and intended to transform a situation for the better. These same clients also felt trapped. Trapped by their inability to express their true thoughts and feelings. Trapped by believing they had to “please” others to avoid abandonment. Trapped by feeling misunderstood. Trapped by the addictions they chose when their repressed thoughts and feelings became too much to bear and they wanted to “check out.” And, many of us know people who actually did … .
Being Truly Positive is Life-Giving
Being truly and whole-heartedly positive is intensely gratifying and inspiring. Though, initially it can be scary as hell to be that honest. However, pretending and repressing our thoughts and feelings is a form of hell that we already know! Doing scary things like being honest when we know it’s best for us is courageous! It’s powerful! It’s red-cape-blowing-in-the-wind-kind-of-wonderful. It feels like independence from the world and what other people think. It’s IN-dependence within our soul, spirit and Life/God. Being truly positive requires us to trust ourself and Life. This, is independence. And it makes us feel ALIVE and electric.
Ready to make a change?
If so, here are Today’s To-Do’s to move towards being truly positive:
1) Before we speak, ask ourselves, “How do I feel?” and listen.
2) Before we speak, ask ourselves, “What do I think?” and listen.
3) If they match, speak words that match. Act in ways that match.
4) If they don’t match, choose one of the below:
a. Wait, don’t speak.
b. Kindly say that you need to take time to process the situation before responding.
c. Choose your most positive thought and/or feeling and speak that.
5) Take a break.
If you realize that your thoughts and feelings are so charged that continued conversation may result in reacting emotionally, thoughtlessly or untruthfully, know that it may be your best choice to exit stage left and leave the building. Take a walk. Take a run. Sing to your favorite tune. Scream in a pillow or cry. Let the stress go for long enough so you can get clear about your true thoughts and feelings.
6) Do some inner nourishing.
Pray, meditate, sleep, eat a nourishing meal, exercise, get some healing energy work and/or plan for something fun. Though these things may not seem directly related, the more fun we have and the better we care for ourselves, the better we feel and the more we can heal!
Have you had enough of the false positives—from yourself or others? Share your thoughts and feelings so we may grow in strength and willpower together …
Always with love,