During Valentine’s week, our hope for love can be heightened—so much so that we might abandon what we know is best for us for the sake of steamy, hot … “chocolate.” In my work to inspire people to kick their deadbeat habits to the curb, I’ve consistently seen that if instead, we refuse to abandon our “best” selves for “cheap chocolate,” (in any area of life) we often automatically release heavy emotions and unhealthy habits like addiction. In today’s article, we’ll look at ways we can always “be there” for ourselves, and never feel abandoned again.
Love can make us mad: insanely-mad, angrily-mad and just overall lather us into “cray-cray” madness. One reason we may have the term, “madly in love,” is because often, love makes no sense at all. And that’s part of the fun. HOWEVER, when the less-than-logical kind of madness turns dark, the best thing we can do to save ourselves, is to refuse to abandon what we know is true and best for us.
My personal experience
About 15 years ago, I had a thriving business in public speaking and writing. Company presidents paid me thousands of dollars to inspire their staff, to write their speeches and to assist them to speak effectively. I deeply enjoyed my work, allocated most of my time to it and never missed a deadline. Although these qualities were lauded by my clientele, my “other” was not so pleased. “Why are we together if we never spend time together?” he asked. Although “never” was an exaggeration, I took his feelings to heart.
With love for him and the honest intention that we both enjoy the relationship, I chose to make a change. I abandoned my business—which was also my true calling, to honor his need for more time together. This was the first of several steps I took that abandoned myself—my best … in the name of “love.” Although he and I worked together for many years and had success stories to share, ultimately, the relationship ended. It ended because I refused to abandon my very deepest dream—to experience a committed, intimate relationship with a man of character who knew his truth and would choose to stand for it. As much as I loved him, I knew in my heart, that if I gave up this dream, then a vital, passionate, life-giving part of me would die, and I would forever live in mistrust, doubt and fear.
Something to consider
As a child, we can be abandoned by adults, because we are weak and helpless. However, as adults, it is my perception that we cannot truly be abandoned by others unless we first abandon ourselves: our dreams, our hopes, and our deepest needs. When we assure that our dreams, hopes, needs and wants are accepted, appreciated and fulfilled, we won’t feel abandoned by others, even if they do not choose to be in our presence.
The two most common ways we abandon ourselves are by believing that someone else’s needs are more important than our own, and by believing that we are unworthy of receiving what we need. It is my perception that both of these concepts are wildly UNtrue. Through my eyes …
We are all equal on a spiritual level—no one’s needs are more important than anybody else’s. Now I am not talking about egoistic, selfish needs like the need to harm others or greedily take, etc. I am talking about basic human needs like giving and receiving love in healthy forms and fulfilling our dreams by utilizing the talents that Life gave us.
We are all worthy. We may not believe that. Instead, we may believe the lies that others told us. Or, we might believe that we have made so many poor choices, that we deserve punishment, not fulfillment. This does not need to be our truth. With forgiveness of our past, we can know our true worth and allow ourselves to receive our needs. To read more about the giving ourselves the gift of FORGIVENESS, go to http://www.willyou.guru/forgiving-ourselves/
Can we never abandon ourselves?
My clients and I have proven that the answer is yes, it is possible. Although we all make mistakes and will certainly find ourselves in situations that challenge our ability to stay true to ourselves, with practice, we can avoid these situations or stop them before they start. Sure, sometimes we might not be aware that we have compromised our best. But with awareness, we can grow in respect for the preciousness of our own needs and best, and honor what we are. So, how can we make a start?
A promise we can keep
Although promises from others can be false and unfulfilled, if we have ourself together, we can count on promises we make to ourself. A great first step towards not being abandoned is to promise ourselves to never abandon what we know is best for us. Never. Not for someone else’s affection, not for money, not for ‘security,’ not for ‘fashion,’ not for approval, not for sex, not for nobody, no-how.
Next, we can promise to love ourself more: to replace criticism with kindness, blame with acceptance, shame with change, punishment with healthy discipline and rewards, fear with faith and lust with love.
By promising not to abandon ourselves, we RESPECT ourselves instead, and free ourselves from the need for addictions. To read more on respect, go to http://www.willyou.guru/respect-yourself/
Be your own, happy Valentine!
Whatever this Valentine’s week may bring, I encourage you to nurture, empower and fulfill your OWN mental, emotional, physical and spiritual “sweet tooth!” If you feel lonely or alone when you’re in our own company, chances are, you may have abandoned yourself in some way. If you happen to be alone this Valentine’s Day, ask yourself, “what hobby or dream might I have abandoned that I could be doing right now?” Or, “what would I really love to do right now?” If it’s healthy and good for you, give yourself the gift of doing that thing!! Maybe you’ll carve some wood, make some art, go golfing or swimming, maybe you’ll fly a kite or sail by moonlight! Maybe you’ll take a bubble bath and eat bon-bons. Whatever you choose, by refusing to tolerate apathy and boredom, and refusing to abandon your truth of what’s best for you, you allow yourself to enjoy more, to REALLY live, and fully participate in the experience of your very own version of the “good” life!
What say ye?
Please share your thoughts and feelings so we may grow in love and empowerment together … .
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Hearts and flowers to you!